At World's End
by Starsurfer108
Summary: Loki is feeling very low – even suicidal. Thor stumbles across him, and he and Thor have a heart-to-heart. Set after the events of Thor: TDW. Inspired by the prompt "Too many feels" but tried to keep in character. ONESHOT. COMPLETE.


A/N: This deals with a touchy subject – feeling suicidal. I am not trying to romanticize these feelings – I used it more as a sounding board for hidden feelings coming out in the open, as Loki had nothing left to lose. If you are feeling suicidal or if someone you know is feeling suicidal, please, please get help – talking it out with someone can make a world of difference. And it's important to select someone who will honour and understand these feelings, rather than trivialize them or say that you should be feeling a different way. "Get over it" is NOT helpful. Having a professional to talk to is advised – sometimes friends may not know how to help, or they may say something that is unhelpful, despite their best intentions. Please investigate any free helplines in your area, and don't ignore these feelings in yourself or others. LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS. THERE IS HOPE – YOU SIMPLY HAVE TO FIND IT. EVEN IF YOU'RE ALONE, YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN THAT – MANY OTHERS ALSO FEEL THAT WAY.

-0-

Loki was in the bowels of the palace – in the room that was at the junction between Asgard and Jotunheim, the Frost World, where he had first found out about his heritage.

He had sat on the altar for the last hour, looking at a knife that was placed about an arm's length away.

He heard the creak of a door, and could see with his peripheral vision that it was Thor. There was a sound of regular tapping as Thor descended the stairs.

"Brother," said Thor, an unspoken question evident in his tone.

Loki turned his head slightly to acknowledge his presence, but remained silent. There was no perceptible difference in his demeanor due to the presence of another, which was uncharacteristic of Loki.

"What is the matter?" asked Thor cautiously.

After a long pause, Loki answered in a subdued voice, never taking his eyes off the knife. "I have always felt like I'm on the outside. I wonder how much is due to my genetic makeup as a frost giant. I wonder if it's even possible for me to feel what any of you are feeling."

Thor's brow furrowed. There had been simply too many instances that Loki had delighted him by revealing his feelings, only to discover later that he had been manipulated. "Don't think that I will fall for your tricks, Loki."

Loki's desolate expression remained unchanged at these words. Suddenly he reached forward for the knife, extreme anguish evident on his face.

"No!" shouted Thor, running towards him and grasping him by the wrist. As much as Loki struggled to bring the knife to his own stomach, his strength was no match for Thor's.

Loki's breathing increased as he realised his goal was denied. Gritting his teeth, he snarled as he transformed his arm into his Jotun form. "Don't you see - I kill everyone who gets close to me!"

Thor could see that his own arm was becoming frost. "I'll never let go of you."

Rage appeared on Loki's face as more of Thor's body was turned to ice. Thor remained steady. Loki's expression melted to sadness and despair as he realised that Thor had meant what he said. He released Thor, and slowly Thor's body returned to normal.

"Please, give me the knife."

Loki chuckled cynically, and handed it to him. "Sure – it is better that my death be at your hands."

"I do not wish to kill you, brother."

"Oh, but you _will_," spat Loki. "When the dark elf was escaping the jail, it was I who told him the fastest way to the throne room. I killed Mother!"

Thor's expression sobered and his mouth opened, processing this information. "It's OK," he said finally. "It wasn't all your doing."

"And the last thing I told her was that she wasn't my mother!" screamed Loki, tears falling down his face.

"It's OK," said Thor, tossing the knife away and bringing Loki into a gentle embrace. "She knew you well." He ran his hands down Loki's back in a soothing way.

"That's actually the last thing she told me," Loki said, sniffing into Thor's chest. "But… but I still let her down."

Thor tightened the embrace. "She was very proud of you. And, I think she was more fond of you than me."

"Yes, because I'm so _pathetic_," said Loki softly. "It's what mothers do. And now she's gone."

Thor let out a deep breath. "Is my love not enough to keep you alive? To keep you happy?"

"How could you possibly love _me_?" yelled Loki, pushing him away. "I-I-I'm manipulative, I'm deceitful, I've tried to _kill_ you multiple times!"

Thor didn't have an answer, but continued to gaze at Loki. Loki was breathing quickly. Thor could see that he was waiting for an answer. "Well, you never said I was the brightest…" Thor replied, automatically falling into old habits of making a joke.

Loki's expression hardened, face spewing hatred towards Thor - the same hatred that he had towards himself.

"It's not something I can describe. But you _are_ my brother," said Thor. "Even if I say differently, it's actually not something I have control over. It will always mean something to me that you are my brother."

Loki's eyes widened as he scrutinized Thor and absorbed his words.

"So… is my love not enough?"

Loki did not reply, but kept gazing at Thor with eyes that betrayed a deep-set rivalry and years of sorrow. Eventually Thor's face fell, and he looked to the ground, crushed and grieved, accepting that as a negative.

"Yes," came a soft reply. "If you truly love me, then yes, it is."

Moving forward, he brought Loki into a tight embrace, crying into his shoulder. After a few seconds, he could feel Loki return the hug.

"But try to not be so damn annoying," muttered Loki as he broke away and moved towards the stairs.

Thor smirked, happy to see that Loki was getting some of his spirit back.

He let out a deep breath, relieved.

END

A/N: Please note that Thor's response "Is my love not enough to keep you alive?" is NOT a proper professional response – but hey, he's not a professional and in this fic he was doing his best. Caring and concern from another, even a (safe) stranger, does always seem to help. Thor's response did imply that we need to find a replacement for what we're grieving for, but that's not the case – healing can occur without it, especially having support from others such as professionals. Don't want anyone to feel trapped if they've lost something – friends, family, goals, etc. Seek support to help through the rough times. Keep looking until you find something that helps.


End file.
